


My my, how the Turntables

by SEABlRD



Series: Brief Encounters of the... Awkward kind...? [5]
Category: Undertale
Genre: Other, POV Second Person, PS. lots of eating and food involved avoid if you don't like pls, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader-Insert, You have a lovely day discussing an upcoming party with your friend, cool platonic friend relationship, you also take a shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 16:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7061311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SEABlRD/pseuds/SEABlRD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You and Addison discuss an end-of-vacation party, and you think of maybe inviting a certain pair of monsters you've met recently. You also think of taking a shower.<br/>--------<br/>Part 5 of "Something about Cats and Boxers"! remember, it's a series so it's all coNNECTED AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA<br/>(that means you gotta read the other parts too <v0)</p>
            </blockquote>





	My my, how the Turntables

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys sorry for the ridiculous delay ! hopefully the doubled word count will make up for my lack of updates _(：3 」∠ )_ this chapter just did not want to end ???? i just kept writing and writing... well, at least it's a decent number of words! 
> 
> FYI I personally write/see Reader as dmab gn but feel free to interpret them as post-op dfab or what have you, I'm not gonna judge \\( 'v' )/
> 
> thanks for sticking around. I hope you enjoy!

    After your encounter with Papyrus, you can’t help but  become incredibly embarrassed at the very thought of meeting with either of the skeletons again. Just your luck, the guy had to take the dirty boxers right out of your hamper! You hope he at least had the mind to wash them before giving them to Sans.

    You dump your bag of groceries on the counter, startling Jug. You push him off the counter without ceremony, and he makes a low noise of protest before jumping off on his own. As you put all the stuff away, your phone buzzes in your pocket.

    You pull it out, checking the notification. It’s a message from Addison, so you don’t hesitate to open it up. At least it’s not, say, that weird kid from history class last semester who only talked to you twice and pestered you into giving him your number.

 

> **[11:35am] Mom-Friend**
> 
> Yo! WHat’re u doing for the end of vacation??
> 
> **Memefucker3000 [11:36am]**
> 
> Nothing tbh, probably just staying at my app and sleeping forever
> 
> **[11:36am] Mom-Friend**
> 
> You’re coming to my end of vacation party is what you’re doing, you fuckin nerd
> 
> **Memefucker3000 [11:37am]**
> 
> Rude ???? but yeah sure when is it
> 
> **[11:38am] Mom-Friend**
> 
> Next week but i need ur help planning n shit
> 
> **Memefucker3000 [11:40am]**
> 
> Sure, come over rn im not doing anything today
> 
> **[11:42am] Mom-Friend**
> 
> Sounds good i’ll be there in 10-15 min

    You put your phone down and finish packing up the last of your groceries. If Addison is coming over, you might as well clean up your apartment before they get here. You don’t want to look like you live in a dump, anyway.

    Picking up some clothes strewn across your couch, you take whatever you can to your multipurpose room and drop everything in the hamper. You look down at the basket, frowning at how full it is. Haven’t you done the laundry just yesterday? Ah, right, you were a bit caught up talking with Papyrus. Whatever, you can do it now.

    You sort through your dirty clothes, picking out the ones you can put together in a single load and the ones you’ll have to wash afterward. Once you have a good third of your clothes sorted into the ‘to wash’ pile, you take them across the hall and into your bathroom. The washer is rather small, but the spinner in it is fantastic. And it fits really nicely into the small washroom of your apartment.

    You toss the clothes in and start the cycle, headed back into your kitchen/living room to pick up whatever trash you have lying around.

    Surprisingly there isn’t too much garbage, but you do see a good few millimeters of dust under and on your furniture. Well, you always were a bit lazy with the broom. You fetch it from the multipurpose room and begin sweeping. Dust flies into the air when you disturb it, causing you to sneeze uncontrollably for a bit before it settles again. Damn this summer heat, drying everything up like that.

    You sweep up as much as you can, vowing to use a duster for the table and shelves. Jug walks by you and rubs your knee in approval, jumping onto the couch and settling on one of the cushions.

    You hear a knock on your door. Has it been fifteen minutes, already? You go to open the door, greeted by Addison’s grinning face.

    “What’s up, nerdlord!” they greet, putting a hand on your shoulder and patting you affectionately. They move past you and into your apartment, and you close the door behind them.

    “How’s it going with you, buddy? How was your week?” you ask, going to the kitchen and getting out two plastic cups. You fill them both with juice, and follow Addison over to your couch. They’re petting Jug affectionately, rubbing their face into his fur. The asshole is purring at them lovingly.

    “Huh? Ah, my week’s been good. Thanks for watching my house and dogs, last weekend, by the way. I know I already thanked you, but it really helped me out.” they give you such a grateful, loving look that you can’t bring yourself to protest.

    “What happened there, by the way? You never said.” You sit beside them on the couch, and they put their arm around your shoulders, leaning into you. They take the other cup from your hands and take a sip.

    “Thanks, sweet. Well, it went a lot better than I expected. Did you know my aunt thought I was dead? Turns out she was texting the wrong number this whole time. No wonder I never got any news from her!”

    “Which aunt is this? Mom’s side or dad’s side?”

    “Dad’s side.” Addison shrugs and takes another sip of juice.

    “That explains it.” you nod and drink from your own cup. Addison laughs.

    “But wait! How about you?” They jump, almost making you spill your drink and scaring Jug clean off the couch. You don’t think you’ve seen Jug move that fast in years, aside from when you tried to get the boxers from him. “What’s new with you? I haven’t had a good chance to ask yet!”

    “Uh, well, do you want the short version or the long version?” you squirm at but under their attention. “A lot happened to me since the start of summer…”

    “Start with that, then! I wanna hear all of it!”

    You tell your friend all about the unfortunate happenings with Jug and his affinity for bone-print boxers, and the owner of said boxers. They laugh at the idea of Jug stealing so many pairs from the same person without them noticing.

    “Wait wait wait, you’re telling me that this - _snk_ \- this skeleton wears boxers? With little bone prints on them?” Addison snorts and you hit them gently to get them to look at you again.

    “Stop laughing! Yes he does, and they’re actually really comfy.”

    “Why does he even need to wear boxers? Oh my god, are you telling me you _tried them on_?!”

    You have the decency to at least blush lightly. “It was a mistake the first time, okay?! I wasn’t paying attention and put them on…”

    “You wore them. More than once.” Addison asks, though it’s obviously not a question. They have their hands on both of your shoulders and you struggle to find somewhere to look that isn’t their face.

    “Yyyyyyyyes?”

    Immediately following your squeaky answer is a lengthy tirade about genital safety (despite not knowing if skeletons even have genitals to take care of) and begging to know more about this mysterious monster that may or may not have captured your heart.

    “Okay well, uh, he’s… kinda fat?” you start, trying to conjure the image of Sans in your mind’s eye. “More stocky, really. Like a rounded cube. It’s really cute, honestly.”

    “How can a skeleton be fat? He’s literally just bones.”

    “Magic, probably.” you reason. “Magic can do anything, apparently. But anyway, yeah, he’s really round. I haven’t had the opportunity to, but I’m pretty sure he’d be squishy if I hugged him.”

    “Why haven’t you hugged him, then?” Addison stares at you in disappointment.

    “We literally met, like, three times! I can’t just jump him like a wild animal!”

    “Don’t you mean, jump his bones?”

    You throw your head back with an exasperated groan, pouting at the ceiling. Addi laughs beside you. “He makes dumb jokes like that all the time, except they sound better coming from him.”

    “Why? My jokes are great, don’t even lie to me. You know they’ve been _ribbing_ off on you!” they poke your cheek with a smug grin on their face. “Is that how you lured him in? By using your adopted punny humor against him?”

    “He says them better!” you argue, poking Addison’s cheek back. “And he just sounds so… wow. His voice, dude. He could talk to me about the digestive system of sea anemone and I’d still get all hot and bothered.”

    They snort again. “I didn’t know you had a kink for sea creatures.” you turn to glare at them. “Or skeletons, for that matter.”

    They just laugh as they dodge your punch, which sends you toppling over them and off the couch. You narrowly miss the edge of the coffee table, and you’re immensely glad that you don’t have to pay for replacements or repairs on another table this month.

    Oh ew, there’s so much dust down here that you missed from before. You get off the floor and wipe your hands off on your pants. The events of the day are beginning to wear on you, and you feel a bit sweaty and overall pretty gross.

    Addison seems to have come to the same conclusion. “What the hell is this, dude? Did you ever shower in your entire life? Go get cleaned up!”

    “You’re so rude Addi what the fuck.” you grumble, but make your way to the washroom anyway. Addison follows you, sitting on the toilet seat as you undress and step into the shower. The two of you have been close enough for the longest time, so you no longer feel embarrassment about your bodies or, well, anything really.  People call the two of you ‘friend goals’, when they’re not assuming that the two of you are dating.

    “You love me anyway and you know it.” they tease you, knocking on the side of the shower.

    You knock back, turning on the water and grabbing the soap.

    “You wanted to talk about something involving a party that you’re taking me to?” you ask, lathering up your limbs and other extremities. “Not like I had a choice in the matter, but do you want me to help with preparing for it or anything?”

    “Well, I’m mostly wondering about who to invite.” Addison confesses. “The whole thing is gonna be at my place, anyway, so there’s nothing to worry about there. Maybe just drinks and stuff, otherwise, but that’s really it.”

    You stick your head out of the shower, dripping water all over the floor. “Why don’t you just invite everyone on your contacts list? It’s not like I know more people than you do, since we hang out with the same people.”

    “Well yeah, but I figured that maybe you have some other people you met or something.” they shrug. “Hey, why don’t you invite that skeleton guy you were telling me about?”

    “Am I even close enough with him to invite him places?”

    “Well, don’t use us as a comparison.”

    “Uh, good point. Alright, I’ll invite him and see if he wants to come. Maybe I should invite his brother, too-”

    Addison stops you right there. “He has a brother?! Why didn’t you say that before! Ask them if they have any friends, too! The more the merrier!”

    “The more the messier, too.” you wince at the thought of the cleanup. “Maybe keeping this small would be best.”

    “Nah, it’s go big or go home, my dude.” they scoff at you, pushing you back into the shower. “Or, in my case, just go big.”

    “I don’t know how you can stand to take care of so many people at once. I can’t even take care of myself without going batshit crazy.”

    “And that’s why you have me.” Addison says sweetly, and you can’t see them through the shower wall but you’re sure they’re batting their eyelashes at you.

You press the back of your hand against the shower wall, sticking your middle finger up. Despite the wall being mostly opaque, the general shape is distinct enough to be recognizable. Addison just laughs. You debate whether or not it would be worth it to chuck a bottle of soap at them, but ultimately decide against it because they’re in dangerous proximity to the toilet and they would not hesitate to flush on you as revenge.

You finish up your shower and Addison cracks open the shower doors to hand you a fresh towel.

“Thanks, love.” you grab the towel and wipe yourself down, wrapping it around your waist when you’re done. You step out, wiping your feet on the bath mat and heading back toward the kitchen.

“So, about the guests.” Addison recalls the earlier parts of the conversation. “Hopefully those skeleton guys have some friends they can bring. Otherwise, it’s going to be whoever’s on our contacts list.”

“That sounds like more than enough, really.” you shrug, moving to the fridge and pulling a boxed pizza out of the freezer. You also pick up some of that cheap microwaveable bacon and cut some up to spread it over the pizza.

“Maybe I should tell them they’re allowed a plus-one, if they really want.” Addison hops onto one of the chairs near the back of the kitchen, swinging their legs between the tall chair’s. “That way it’s not a boring party with only ten, maybe fifteen people.”

“We only know fifteen people?” you turn around, stopping from putting the pizza in the oven. “I thought we had more contacts than that.”

“Only fifteen that we know and like enough to keep in our contacts.”

You remember that kid from history and shudder. Yeah, you have a tendency to delete the contacts you don’t particularly care about or want to hear from ever again. Even though they’re a social butterfly, Addison is the same way.

“Okay, so fifteen people, maybe, and their plus-ones?” you clarify, putting the pizza into the oven at last and shutting the door. You set the timer to twenty minutes.

“And maybe your skeleton friends.”

“Can I really call them my friends though? I mean, seeing them three times hardly qualifies as acquaintances, let alone friends…”

Addison makes a strange noise behind you, which you ignore in favour of wiping the knife you used to cut the bacon and taking out two plates and some utensils. They must have tipped the chair too far back again. The air is filled with a strange charge; it’s something you’d almost describe as a cross between that sensation of numb-tingling you get from dentist anesthetic, and static electricity.

“Addi? You okay, there?” you turn around, prepared to tell your friend off for trying to balance on only two of the chair’s legs again, but what you see isn't your friend on the floor.

No, because that would be way too easy, wouldn't it? Instead, you come face to face with the very skeleton you were talking about, who’s face is a very interesting shade of blue.

Your mind blanks out for a good few seconds, because what are you supposed to think? It’s not every day you have magical skeletons appearing in your house. Your mouth, unfortunately, doesn’t have the same lack of reaction. “Sans, what’re you doing here?”

“I- uh, what I- I wanted-” he scrambles to gather his thoughts, hands nervously flailing in front of him before he shoves them both in the pockets of his hoodie and turns around to face the wall. Incidentally, the same wall where Addison is sitting.

“So this is the skeleton?” they ask, pointing at him and looking at you questioningly over his shoulder.

“ _This_ is Sans, Sans the Skeleton.” you lay a hand on his shoulder, patting him. He nearly jumps out of his shorts in surprise. “Sans, this is my friend Addison. They’re the one that owns the dogs from last week.”

Addison waves cheerfully. “Nice to meet’cha Sans!” they exclaim. Sans gives a hesitant wave back at them, prompting you to poke his shoulder in feigned annoyance.

“Come on, you weren’t that quiet last time.” you point out. “In fact, I distinctly remember you not shutting up.”

Addison grins, shooting you another look, and wiggles their eyebrows at you. You stick your tongue out at them, blowing a raspberry as quietly as you could.

“I just- I wasn’t expecting-” Sans shakes his head and turns to look away from you. “C- Could you maybe put a shirt on, or something?”

“What’s the matter, Sans? Something distracting you?” Addison’s smug grin widens, leaning forward in the chair. You almost warn them to sit back unless they want to be eating ceramic off the floor.

You look down at yourself and realize for the first time that you actually don’t have a shirt on. Or pants, for that matter. You’re only in the towel Addison gave you when you came out of the shower. Not that it particularly bothers you, since all the important bits are covered, but something about being this indecent in front of Sans makes your face turn red in embarrassment.

Odd, you’ve never been particularly ashamed of yourself before. In fact, as many of your closer friends know, you live by the motto of “no shame, no inhibition”.

“I’ll go get changed, then,” you rub your nape, feeling your blush spread across your neck and down your chest. Addison actually does fall off the chair because they’re trying not to laugh. Sans still isn’t looking at you, and you walk behind him to get to your room. You shut the door and lean against it, sighing.

You shut the blinds over your window and let the towel drop, taking a moment to soak up the coolness of the shade in your room. You internally chastise yourself for being so embarrassed in front of Sans, since walking around in just a towel would have been much more efficient in keeping yourself cool for the rest of the day. You can hear Addison and Sans talking in quiet voices on the other side of the door. You briefly consider eavesdropping, but Addison would probably tell you all about their conversation anyway, so you continue getting changed.

You grab a pair of boxers (your own, this time, thankfully) and shorts, as well as a thin tank top that will cover you decently and still be bearable with the heat. Just the reminder of the incident with the boxers makes you flush red again, heating up uncomfortably. Summer is coming to a close, you tell yourself, and you can finally go back to school where they have good air conditioning.

You exit your room and almost trip over Jug, who is lying down at the foot of your door like the inconvenience he is. He looks up at you and meows loudly, and you stick your tongue out at him in response. Addison and Sans are sitting on the couch, in deep conversation about types of humour, from what you can tell, though Addison takes the time to greet you with an offhanded ‘welcome back, darling’. You decide to leave them to it, seeing as they’re much better at it than you are. You go back to the kitchen and grab another plate and set of utensils for Sans.

“Do you guys want anything to drink?” you call, already headed for the cabinet where you keep your plastic cups.

“Just juice for me, again, please.” Addison replies, barely sparing you a glance over their shoulder.

“Do you have some ketchup?” Sans asks, looking toward you hopefully. He seems to have gotten over his initial mortification, which makes for the atmosphere to be significantly less awkward than before.

You open the door to the fridge. “Uh, hang on. Yeah, I have a bottle here that I haven’t opened yet, why?”

“Could I have it?”

Well that's not a very common request for someone who doesn’t have any fries or other food to go with it, but you grab the ketchup along with the juice and turn back to the counter. You fill two cups with juice for Addison and yourself, and tuck the bottle of ketchup under your arm to carry it all to the living room.

You sit on the corner of your coffee table, putting down your and Addison’s drinks, and hand the bottle of ketchup to Sans. He takes it from you and, without breaking eye contact, flips open the cap and chugs it.

You and Addison say nothing in reply. Instead, they turn to you and briefly fill you in on the details of their prior conversation.

“He told me Faust and Beau stole his entire leg?” they demand. “Why didn’t you open with that?! I would have loved to hear that!”

“First of all, it was just his femur.” you correct them, taking your cup and drinking from it. You down at least half of the contents before you put it back down. “And I didn't get to that part yet because I went for a shower, remember?”

Out of the corner of your eye you notice that Sans looks a little disheartened by your lack of response to his obvious attempt at weirding you out. His expression is pretty cute, bordering on adorable. You wish you had your phone nearby to take a picture.

“Don't take it too personally, dude,” you reassure him. “We don’t really react to that kind of stuff anymore. We’ve seen weirder.”

“Yeah,” Addison interjects cheerfully. “We once saw a guy French kiss a live fish. I’m talking trout-sized. May or may not have been a dare from one of us.”

You roll your eyes and glare at your friend. “As if I’d dare anybody to do something that gross.”

“Petroleum jelly.” they counter, not missing a beat.

“Listen, that was _one_ time-”

“Yeah, and it was pretty funny too. Jeff had some pretty bad diarrhea after that, but it was totally worth it. I’m glad you finally had the balls to pull out a dare like that.” Addison smiles fondly at the weird memory before slapping a hand over their mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry, was that one for the jar?”

You wave your hand dismissively. “You’re fine, dear.” you tell them, and they visibly relax. They take their cup off the table and have a few sips from it.

“I’m sorry, what’s this about a jar?” Sans interrupts, taking another swig from his ketchup bottle. He looks between you and Addison suspiciously.

“Nothing you have to worry about.” you tell him. Addison adds ‘yet’ very quietly. You kick their shin.

“It's just something in our group of friends. If we ever introduce you to them, we’ll tell you all about the jar and the rules and stuff.” you pat his knee, getting up and going back to the kitchen.

“Oooh this is a good time to ask!” Addison cheers, clapping. “We’re having an ‘end of vacation’ party for our friends and stuff! Do you and your brother want to come, Sans?”

You remove the pizza from the oven, placing it on the stovetop to cool a bit before you cut it. You try not to look too hopeful for Sans’ response.

“Uh, well, we won’t know anybody there…”

“Nonsense! _____ will be there, and you can bring along some of your own friends too, if you want!”

You hurriedly cut three slices and put them on the plates, balancing them on your forearms to bring them back to the living room. Addison takes a plate and thanks you, picking it up by the crust and shoving half of it in their mouth.

“Here, Sans.” you hand him a plate, which he takes from you delicately. Almost as if he’s surprised you offered him one at all.

“Thanks bud,” he puts the plate on his lap and picks the pizza up by the crust, mimicking Addison and lifting it to his mouth. You watch in fascination as he opens his jaw like a very round, skeletal nutcracker and drops the whole slice into his mouth. The space between his teeth isn’t see-through, like you would expect from a skeleton. Instead, it looks like a dark void. The kind that you see in ancient wells and deep caverns in the side of a mountain: endless, empty, consuming.

You’re frozen in your seat, knife and fork poised over your own slice but not cutting it. You gape at Sans, who closes his jaw and wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie as though nothing happened. He catches you staring and gives you a cocky smirk.

“So that’s what gets a reaction? Just a guy eating a slice of pizza?” he chuckles. “You’ve got weird interests, buddy.”

“I'm sorry, I’m too busy trying to process the fact that your mouth is basically a black hole.” you retort, recovering from the shock slowly. “Did you even chew that at all, or…?”

“Where does it even go?” Addison inquires, leaning forward. They chew their own mouthful, putting the uneaten half back onto their plate.

Sans shifts uncomfortably under your combined gazes, starting to sweat a bit. “It, uh, it has to do with magic and stuff.”

“That’s pretty cool.” Addison leans back into the couch, satisfied with his answer. You also accept this response and return to your own plate. You cut off a sizeable chunk of pizza and bring it to your mouth with your fork.

“Do you have any more pizza? I could go for another slice.” Sans looks a bit embarrassed to ask, cheekbones dusting light blue.

“Yeah, sure, let me go grab the tray.”

You get up again, popping another piece of your own pizza into your mouth, and retrieve the rest of the pizza from the stove. You cut the remaining parts into slices, piling them on top of each other, and bring them back to Sans. You put them on his plate.

“Here, just take whatever you want and I can put away the rest.” you tell him.

He mutters “thanks” and picks up another slice, repeating the strange spectacle from before. It doesn't catch you off guard, this time, so you can keep eating your own slice without freaking out.

“What were we talking about just now?” Addison looks at you, lost. “Besides the weird mouth eating, I mean.”

“Uh, the party?” you supply, not entirely sure, yourself.

“Right!” Addison exclaims while taking another bite of pizza. “Okay, so, what can you bring?”

“I could probably bring some drinks, or things to mix drinks with?” you offer. “I can’t really travel with much on my bike…”

“That should work. What about guests?”

The two of you turn to Sans just in time to see what is arguably the weirdest and funniest thing you’ve ever witnessed. He’s holding his plate up to his face, tilted toward him, with his jaw entirely open (almost unhinged, really) and wiping the plate’s contents into his mouth with his hand. All three of the remaining slices of pizza, at the same time. The same way one would empty food into-

“Like a garbage can.” Addison whispers, completely bewildered.

You’d hit them for their rudeness if you weren’t, once again, frozen and gaping at Sans’ odd eating methods.

The skeleton wipes his face, with his other sleeve this time, and puts the plate down. It takes a second for him to realize that nobody is talking, and he looks up at you in surprise. His eye lights flick between you and Addison curiously, trying to find the source of your sudden stupor. “Guys? What’s up?”

Addison makes some vague gestures toward his mouth, squeaking. Sans, if anything, looks even more confused.

“It’s… that thing with your face.” you say, completely unhelpful. No wait, that's not what you meant to say.

Sans’ eyebrows shoot up and a strange, strained smile forms on his face. “Geez, buddy, you sure know how to give a compliment.” he teases, but you can see his shoulders inch forward and his left hand twitches toward his mouth. Oh no please don't be offended that's not what you meant to say-

“I mean, your mouth is freaky!” Foot mouth speak bad man door hand hook car door. “No, what I mean is- I mean, the way you eat is unnerving- no, wait, that’s not it-”

“Don't worry about it, kid, I get it.” Sans shrugs and winks, but the tenseness around his shoulders doesn’t leave him. “It's not something you see every day, right? S’fine if you get a little _freak_ ed out about it.”

You pick up on the subtle pun, and it makes you upset that he even thinks that you think that of him. You’re not even sure if he thinks that you think that of him, but if he’s thinking what you think he’s thinking, then you have to make sure he isn't thinking it ever again.

“We’re not scared of you or anything, I swear!” you attempt to fix your earlier verbal blunder. “It's just… unexpected, is all. It’s actually pretty cool.”

“Yeah, imagine how much time we could save if we all ate like that.” Addison finally chimes in, seeing what you’re trying to do. “Wouldn’t have to worry about waking up early to have time for breakfast, just shovel it right into our mouth on our way to class.”

“It's pretty useful when you’re trying to steal other people’s food, too.” Sans adds, visibly relaxing. “Someone doesn't wanna give you a fry? Just swallow the whole box.”

Addison snorts really loud at that. “Are you telling us that you eat the _box_ too?”

Sans shrugs, giving Addison a shit eating smirk. “If you can, why not?”

Addison nods in approval. “Wise words.” they say, as though they’ve found enlightenment.

“How do you even digest that? Or even any human food?” you inquire, cutting another piece of your pizza. You’d feel really bad if you made Sans sick with your exclusive human pizza. “Don't monsters only eat monster food?”

“We can eat human food too, it just takes longer to process into SOUL energy.” he explains, leaning back into the couch. “Monster food is made of pure magic, while human food needs to be ‘digested’ into magic, in a manner of speaking.”

Addison hums, deep in thought. “Can monsters make food with human ingredients? or are the special types of ingredients that you have pre-made with magic in them?”

Sans pauses here, to gather his thoughts probably. “Well, uh. It’s like tea. We can infuse magic into human food to make the food magic, but it takes a few extra steps and it only cuts down the ‘digestion’ time by about half anyway. It's just more efficient for us to use the magic ingredients right off the bat.”

“Monster ingredients are pretty rare up here, though, aren’t they? Where do you get them?”

“I think they’re imported from the Underground, right?” you say, looking to Sans for confirmation. “I hear the city is making some space in parks and stuff so you guys can make gardens and harvest your plants up here, too, though.”

Sans nods and rests his elbow on the armrest beside him. “Yeah, the process is a little slow, but Frisk is working real hard with the mayor to make it happen.”

“That’s good!” you exclaim, if only a bit distantly. You want to celebrate that with him, but you feel like it's not really your place. It hasn’t been your fight to fight, after all. Addison seems to have come to the same conclusion, nodding and making a happy hum, but not more.

The conversation dwindles after that, the three of you only making small talk, and Addison discussing some party-related things with you. Sans never answered whether he wanted to go or not, and neither you nor your friend had it in you to push the matter. Addison offers to take your empty cups and plates and put them in the sink for you.

“Thanks, darling.” you smile at them as you hand them your plate and silverware. Sans eyes them suspiciously while giving them his own stuff. Addison doesn't seem to notice, balancing everything expertly and heading toward the sink. You take their place on the couch and stretch, feeling the joints in your shoulders pop.

“So, uh.” Sans starts, lifting the hand that’s on the armrest and leaning his cheek in it. “You and Addison.”

Your face does a strange thing involving your eyebrows, but you’re not entirely sure what it is because your brain is too busy trying to process the sudden topic it’s been presented. “What about us?”

“Well… Are you guys….” he fidgets uncomfortably despite his casual tone. “Y’know. A thing?”

“What?! Oh man, that’s-” you cut yourself off, laughing too hard. Hard enough to concern your friend in the kitchen, who seems to have taken it upon themselves to actually wash your dishes for you.

“_____? What’s up? You okay?” they call, slightly concerned.

You don’t answer them, instead turning back to Sans with an apologetic look (yet still laughing in his face, because honestly). He looks mildly uncomfortable and is trying to pick a spot to look at that isn’t you. He’s blushing adorably, as you know he does, and turns his face into the hand it’s resting on.

“I haven’t heard that one in a long time! But nah, me ‘n Addi aren’t a thing.” You reassure him, patting his leg as kindly as possible. He flinches a bit. “Don’t worry, a lot of people assume the same. We’re just friends, though.”

“ _Just_ friends?” Addison gasps as they return, sitting where you were on the coffee table, earlier. “I’d like to think we’re more than that.”

“Best friends, platonic soulmates, partners in crime.” you list off, waving your hand dismissively. “Whatever you want to call it, really. It’s all just a fancy way to say that, no, we’re not romantically involved.”

“Please, babe.” Addison scoffs, gesturing to themselves broadly. “Like you _wouldn't_ want to hit this.”

“Sorry, sweetheart, you’re just not my type.” you drawl, giving a lazy smirk.

“Oh, I know who’s your _type. Face_ it, you’ve got it bad.” they lean into you, almost over your lap now. “Who knows? You might even get lucky and find someone you like at my party, next week~ There’s bound to be someone you’re _font_ of, right? Just to make sure, we’ll invite all the interesting souls, and new souls.”

They wink in Sans’ direction, and all of you know that this is a direct reference to the unanswered invitation extended to him earlier. His face is expressionless, though, watching you and Addison closely.

Your face must be red as a fire hydrant, right now, if not worse. Sans doesn’t know how Addi speaks in jokes and references and, when they want to be secretive with you, acrostics. Addison never refers to other people as ‘souls’; it takes you a little bit to understand what they were talking about, and you have to hold back the urge to punch them in the face for it. Luckily, Sans either hasn't picked up on it or hasn't thought it was worth mentioning because he continues without bringing it up.

“Well, if you guys are inviting us it would be rude to say no.” he shrugs his shoulders, still showing very minimal emotion. “Do you have a maximum number of people I can bring with me?”

Addison’s eyes light up and you quickly slap a hand over their mouth before they can speak. “Just bring whoever’s closest to you, if they want to come.” you reply, ignoring Addison nudging you and pouting under your hand. You feel the wetness of their tongue brush against your palm, and that’s the last straw for you.

You quickly lean down and bite on their ear, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to make them squeal and wriggle in your hold. You let them go and they retreat to their spot on the coffee table, fake-glaring at you.

“Are you done?” you demand, giving them a pointed look.

“I wasn’t going to say _that_ many.”

“No? You weren’t about to pull out ‘everybody you know’?”

They squirm under your gaze before looking away and mumbling ‘maybe’.

You face Sans again, who watched the whole scene unfold with a look of distant amusement on his face. He focuses on you after a moment, blinking owlishly.

“Right, so whoever I happen to want around me, basically?” he asks. Addison nods, albeit reluctantly. It’s a good thing you’re there to reign them in, because otherwise they would have invited the whole city of they could.

“Anyway, thanks for having me over, _____.” Addison pats your shoulder as they get up. “I have to go home and check on the dogs, maybe bring them for a walk. Hey, text me sometime over the week, okay love?”

“Alrighty, I’ll see you then. Take it easy with the party stuff, and if you need any help I’ll be there.” you follow them to the door, watching as they slip on their shoes. They open the door, letting in Jug (how he got outside to begin with is beyond you), sidestepping the large cat, and waving goodbye to you as they head down the hall. You close the door, going back to the living room.

“Looks like it’s just you and me, buddy.” you shrug. “What brings you to my humble abode? I know getting invited to a party probably wasn’t on your ‘To-Do’ list of the day.”

Sans eyes you sassily, not having moved an inch other than rotating his face to get a better look at you. “How would you know? Maybe all I do on my spare time is go around to my acquaintances and try to get invited to their parties.”

“You honestly don't seem like the kind of guy who would enjoy frequent, large-scale parties back to back.”

“You’re right,” Sans grins, winking at you. “I want no _part_ -y of that kind of hubbub. Too much action for a lazy guy like me.”

“So why _are_ you here?”

He turns blue in the face and turns his head so that his face pressed into his hand, again. You hear a muffled response, though you don't catch any of it. You go around the couch and drop down beside him, making him jump. He looks at you out of the corner of his eye nervously.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.” you smile sweetly at him. He furrows his eyebrows at you and his blush darkens.

“I… wanted to prank you.” he admits. His free hand comes up to bring the hood of his hoodie over his head. “It, uh. Didn’t go as I expected.”

“Yeah, it _shirt_ wasn’t what you had planned, I bet.” you joke, thinking briefly (haha oh boy) about what Addison said earlier. Are you pandering to Sans’ interests and humor to get him to like you?

Sans chuckles from under his hood, but pulls it tighter around his face. You’re sure that, if you turned off the lights, the blue of his face would be glowing. So what if you’re pandering? It’s worth it to see him like this. And to get him to like you. Especially the latter, honestly.

He stands up abruptly, nearly toppling you off the couch, and heads for the door.

“Well I best be off, too, I have to go check up with Papyrus and maybe go grocery shopping and all that.” he laughs nervously, his hood still hiding his face. You get up and nearly have to run to the door to catch up with him. This is probably the fastest you’ve ever seen him move, other than that weird jog-walk you saw him do at the park.

“Already? But you just got here!” you exclaim, chasing after him. He hasn't taken off his shoes when he appeared in your kitchen, rudely enough, so he isn't stopping at the door. “Why, you can’t _bare_ to be with me for another second?”

“Nah, you’re great, I just have things to do.” he shrugs, looking everywhere but at you, pulling the door open and letting Jug inside for the second time (how). Jug walks past him, meowing and rubbing against his kneecap affectionately. “I’ll, uh, drop by later or something.”

“Sounds good.” you wave as he nearly trips over himself running down the hall. “ _Towel_ be seeing you later, then!”

He laughs and covers it up with a cough, still not looking at you. He heads toward the stairs, which is strange given how much he complained about them last time.

Your phone buzzes on the kitchen counter right near where Jug is lying in the sun, as he does. You pick it up and open the message. It’s from Addison.

 

> **[1:53] Mom-Friend**
> 
> u were so right about his voice my dude

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if any of this formatted weird, I wrote most of it on my phone.
> 
> Layout of Reader's apartment, if you missed it last time:  
> 


End file.
